When I think about the importance of conversations…

4 min read:

When I think about the importance of conversations, I remember my initial entry into the youth work and early years sector. It all started with a word of encouragement from my uncle, mentor and youth worker Simon Lee Minott.

He saw me walking past his youth club which was based in Bawtree Road, Deptford, with a bunch of my friends, and pulled me to the side and asked me how am I doing, and he also asked me to come work with him. He saw my potential and knew that I would make a good youth leader even at the young age of 15.

He supported me through the process of becoming a youth worker and advised me to go study Health and Social Care, which led me to do my first placement in a nursery back in 2001. Twenty-one years later I’m a well-seasoned Early Years Teacher, Consultant, Storyteller and Children’s Author; Radio/television host; a powerful and inspiring speaker.

In life it can take listening to, or having, one conversation that can change your whole life.

Words are powerful, they can build bonds, develop relationships, empower, encourage, offer insight, joy and happiness.

Words can also alienate, destroy, demoralise, deflate, damage, be used for violence and hate.

Such a powerful tool should be used wisely.

It’s important to make sure that we’re talking with each other in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds. 

Barack Obama

In my book with Sonia Mainstone-Cotton titled: Building Positive Relationships in the Early Years (conversations to empower children, professionals, families and communities) we talk about the importance of communication and interactions with our colleagues, our students, the children in our care, their families and surrounding community.

We place each setting, nursery, school, childminder etc as a hub in the community. These settings help to mould the community of the future, playing an integral part in how each child interacts with the wider community and perceives the world.

The setting is an exchange of information, culture and experiences with each individual child, parent or professional bringing their own narrative and preferences.

Ideally, the setting should be a place of sharing and freedom of respectful expression, but sadly this is not always the case. Sometimes this could be due to the people involved with the setting not feeling confident, connected, or welcome. This could be due to past experiences or due to not being given the opportunity to speak or share. Which can affect an individuals’ mental wellbeing, with some people feeling like they can’t engage or share and some feeling like imposters. Remember, each individual carries their own narrative and lived experiences!

Reflection: How do we support them? 

Dr Muna Abdi shared on twitter:

‘I don’t like the term ‘imposter syndrome’… let’s call it what it actually is… the psychological impact of systematic gaslighting.

If you’ve ever felt like an ‘imposter’ check your space and those in it. Whose words echo in your mind? What gut feelings have you ignored?’

Words are powerful, be careful how you use them.

J.C.C.

Each setting should be an epicentre of joy, learning and fun. It takes a lot of boldness and bravery to share, but sharing means much more when it’s purposeful.

Reflection: What is the purpose of the conversation I’m starting?

BE BRAVE

ENOUGH

TO START A

CONVERSATION

THAT MATTERS

­Margaret Wheatley

Reflection:

• Is my setting a place of sharing, where people feel proud to express themselves and share their knowledge, experiences, and culture? 
• Is my setting a place where input is acknowledged, and our community has agency in some aspects of what takes place within the setting?
• Is my setting a place where people feel comfortable to hold honest and difficult conversations. This could be with families, children and professionals, in order to support development, learning and all-round nurturing enrichment?

The EYFS tells us: ‘Enabling environments – value all people and value learning. They offer stimulating resources and spaces, inside and outside, relevant to all the children, cultures and communities.’

People need to feel a sense of belonging to open up and be themselves. Most people (children and adults) need time to settle down and feel comfortable in new environments. They need to feel like they’ve been given agency in that environment and their voice is being heard.

Having an environment that is reflective of the wider community is so important, be it the food, resources, music, visual aesthetic or smell – these things can help an adult or child feel like the setting is their home away from home.

The EYFS has told us from the beginning each child is unique and a child-centred approach helps to create secure attachments – this is also true for adults. We need to adapt a “person-centred approach” of understanding, respect, empathy, empowerment and patience.

Then beautiful stimulating/ constructive/ motivating conversations can take place.

Closing note 

What makes my book with Sonia beautiful and free-flowing, is the fact that we are two completely different individuals from two different parts of England. Who are at different places in life, but we both listened, shared and held a free-flowing discussion about a common interest, which is our Early Years experience. Through the series of conversations, we developed a bond, an understanding of each other and undeniable respect for each other’s views and experiences. Sharing empowering and inspiring take-aways that will stay with us for a lifetime. Take-aways that we can share with others to help light their pathway on this journey called Life.

Imagine one conversation could be a catalyst to endless possibilities.

J.C.C

Further reading:

Lisa Cherry – Conversations that Make a Difference for Children and Young People: Relationship-Focused Practice from the Frontline (Routledge, 2021)

Kate Moxley – A Guide to Mental Health for Early Years Educators: Putting Wellbeing at the Heart of Your Philosophy and Practice (Little Minds Matter, 2022)

Jamel Carly Campbell and Sonia Mainstone-Cotton – Building Positive Relationships in the Early Years: Conversations to Empower Children, Professionals, Families and Communities (Little Minds Matter, 2022)